thespherelogs | There may be murder tonight

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There may be murder tonight

Who: Seregil and Alec
Where: Their pod
When: Beginning of February/After the log with Jag
What: After their talk with Jagger, Seregil wants to know where all these thoughts about death are coming from.

It had taken quite a bit for Seregil not to say something during the meet up with Jagger, but it wasn't the other man's business. It was, however, his. If something had happened, if Alec had died - just the thought of it sent a coldness like claws around his heart. No, Alec wasn't allowed to die.

It took everything in him not to pull the other man close to prove to himself that he was solid and whole. Of course, their work was dangerous, but death, no, Alec wasn't allowed to die, nor was Micum or anyone else in his ever small orbit. He'd die first to keep them from it. The idea that such thoughts were his comparison for something that one could easily make a comparison to pieces of a puzzle, it was telling, and as soon as they were inside Seregil whirled on him.

"Alright, out with it." Deep lines creased the frown as his grey eyes stared at Alec intently. Either he'd tell him or Seregil would wring it out of him.

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Alec smirked.

"We've been more useful as murder investigators lately, I'm afraid. Even in Rhiminee." He paused and sighed, eyes going dark again. "We lost Myrhichia to that one, I'm afraid."

He's about to say something when Alec tells him of Myrhichia. It's a shock, as much of one as hearing about losing Nysander. The pair were the closest to family he has in Rhiminee, and now they were both apparently gone. They were supposed to be the ones to stay with him even when he grew old. The thought of losing them made him sick to his stomach and he had to sit again.

"How?"

"We thought it was an illness. A sleeping sickness that was plaguing Rhiminee. But I'm afraid I can't tell you more."

And it visibly pained Alec that he couldn't. He wanted to tell Seregil everything, wanted him to remember and to stop all this pain for them. But that same pain was precisely what brought them together as lovers. Wasn't that worth the pain? Would they have come together otherwise?

"I wish I could."

So, in the end, he'd lost everything in five years. There was a part of him that wondered if that would have remained the case without Alec in his life - but a greater thought crushed it with a resounding yes. Whatever the reason for Nysander's death, it would have broken him completely. It was more likely that Alec had been the only reason he'd not finally slinked off to an exile's all too common fate.

Which only brought pieces further into place for him.

"Nysander, his death was during whatever it was he'd been keeping from us, wasn't it?" He'd vowed never to tell Alec, and yet that same year he had. Something, something catastrophic had to have happened, and from what he'd learned through their conversation, Nysander's death had to be the catalyst.

Alec nodded mutely, and his gaze fell to the floor again.

"I don't think he saw any other way for it to end."

To be frank, Alec couldn't think of any other way for it to end. But if Seregil knew, he would obsess over it, try to find some way to turn the tides, or else refuse to participate and bring some unspeakable evil into their world. Heartrending though it was to consider, Alec understood that Nysander's death was a willing sacrifice to prevent something infinitely more terrible. Even if Seregil didn't see it that way, there was great honor in a death like that.

"He seemed at peace with it. And I know that doesn't make things any better or make his passing less of a shock. But his sacrifice... Aura, Seregil, he saved the world. That's worth something."

Seregil's hands balled into fists. Of course he would do something noble and die for it in the end. It was Nysander's way. It practically killed Seregil to know it was inevitable. There was probably another way, but in the end, Seregil wouldn't be able to figure it out, and he'd asked Alec not to allow him to. It was infuriating, but it was also the way it had to be.

"What about Watermede?" He dreaded the answer. "Have we lost anyone from there?" If Micum or anyone there had been lost, he wasn't sure what he would do, even here.

Alec brightened at that.

"Not at all. The Cavishes are well. Beka married a 'faie she met while we were in Aurenen. Nyal i Nhekai Beritis Nagil of Ra'basi. Very sweet man, and he's so good to her. And she's captain of the finest turma in Skala's army." Alec paused to laugh. "They call themselves the Urghazi, just to taunt those Plenimaran bastards.

"Kari has her hands full with little Luthas and Gherin. Micum still accompanies us on most of our Skalan assignments. All are well and safe."

That was one thing at least. Seregil knew Beka would be an outstanding soldier. She was to it as he'd been to the life he now led.

"And yet you never thought to remain at Watermede. I thought you might, you know. Karu and Micum adore you, as does everyone else; you could have a good, wholesome life there." It's as if he's trying to convince the young charge he'd taken up rather than the older hardened man that sat next to him. It was hard not to think of him as the Alec he knew, the one that was impressionable and who he'd taken from the north and everything he knew to bring him into the midst of intrigue and chaos.

"A good wholesome life, without the man who's meant to be at my side?"

Alec smiled faintly, and gently took Seregil's hand to press a kiss to his knuckles. Seregil was so adept at self-deprecation, it was sometimes hard to catch it in the midst of his otherwise innocuous statements. But Alec had years of experience now, both of catching those attacks against Seregil's self, and diffusing them just as quickly.

"That doesn't sound like any life at all, tali."

There's a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. "You say that, but Micum would have put you to work, and Beka would have in bruises." He suspected that Beka and Alec had the budding of feelings for one another, how easy would it have been for those feelings to grow into marriage and Alec's enlistment - or Alec's tending to the stead while his wife fought.

"And there'd be Illia," His brows rose, and the smirk that followed did reach his eyes. "She wants to marry you, you know. Cast me off for you even."

"Maker help us if she ever manages that," Alec laughed. "Would you duel her for my hand?"

It was all in jest, and Alec had an easy demeanor about him.

"My place is at your side. And I think you know that, even now. Try not to question it, because I wouldn't trade what I have with you for anything."

"I think they tortured the sense out of you in that dungeon." He was sure of it. No one in their right mind would want to be tied to him the way Alec seemed to want it. Following him on any sort of fool whim of his and accepting the horrible consaquences that came with it. Alec was a fool, and Seregil a fool for letting him do it. "You're too amiable and put up with too much from me."

"I think I should torture some sense into you." Alec grinned and tugged at Seregil's hand. "You should give yourself more credit."

"I give myself plenty of credit." Seregil easily falls back into Alec's lap. It was strange, how easy being like this with Alec was once he'd finally admitted it out loud to the other man. He wasn't sure why, maybe Alec's way, but it felt as if this was where he'd always belonged. "You just think too well of me."

Alec grinned and leaned back against the couch, both hands drifting idly over Seregil's back. This was far more comfortable. It demanded nothing, and yet begged a comfortable familiarity.

"I think the world of you," Alec corrected. "And I miss our bond. I wish you knew what it felt like."

The world was far too much. Seregil was a hopelessly flawed man, and he knew it. A man who was kicked out by his people and with no real place. Alec found him noble and good, and the thought of living up to that scared him.

"I'm sorry that I've taken it from you. The taliminos bond is incredibly special to us, but I can assure you that not having it isn't for lack of my feelings." It was vital for him that Alec know his feelings were still the same, bond or no bond.

"I'm glad to know it."

Alec coaxed Seregil to rest with him, and allowed his eyes to drift shut when they were properly situated.

"But you haven't taken anything from me. Quite simply, you're who you are, and I'm who I am, and we can't help that at the moment. So don't feel you have anything to apologize for."

It isn't hard to coax him because of how comfortable this feels; how right. He lets his hand slide down to lace his fingers with Alec's

"It must still be jarring for you." He couldn't say anything about it really, Seregil had never had the taliminos bond, and would doubt that he ever would if it weren't for Alec's stating that he did. After all, there would be no reason for Alec to know about it unless he'd told the boy about it.

"All of this must be."

"It is for you too," Alec reasoned. "There's nothing easy about this for either of us, I'm afraid. If our places were changed, I can't imagine I'd react much differently."

The difference being, of course, that Alec was far more hesitant about his own feelings. Seregil had been surer of himself from the start, as he often was; Alec was a careful man, and that was perhaps what matched them so perfectly.

"But you know I'm patient. And I know you're worth waiting for. So don't worry yourself over it."

Leaning back, he kissed the space between his neck and his chin. "Too patient, it seems." The truth was that he hadn't known just how patient Alec was or how much he wanted to be with him. It was a lot to live up to.

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There may be murder tonight

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